It's funny but I am really giving thought to guys now. I think my hormones are finally kicking in along with loneliness, desire to start dating. I know what it is to be loved, and I loved it. I want to take the next step and really take a risk. My being cries out so DO something. But I don't. I mean. I do but I don't. I mean I think about the guys who give me the time of day. Like this guy I talked to today. Like this other guy who I am kicking myself over that I couldn't go to his party last fall...though I really doubt I would have been too happy at a kegger...still drunk people can make for some great entertainment. But back to contemplating my soul, I think one of my friends would like to try and play matchmaker. I mean she just got married! I didn't believe it when she told me but she had the ring! Holy cow, I hope it works out! LOL I am scatterbrained tonight. I hope she invites me to the traditional wedding. Well anyway, her being married hasn't pushed me any closer to this moment where I know I am being impatient and having a lack of self confidence. It's silly. I ought to try and look better and fake having confidence (which hopefully lead TO having confidence) and get out there...go out and have fun at the VERY least. I am frustrated. On some level, it's sensual frustration, I want to know what a loving kiss is, what a loving touch is. I want to know this without that "deception" of perfection. I am going to keep my glasses, my jeans, and do something about the whole makeup thing. Unless some formal dance actually shows up at this school, I'm not going to be anywhere close to a knock out. Well, it is very late, I ought to go now. Dear God, please watch over my family, my friends, the sick, the afflicted, the grieving, the military, and help for there to be peace on earth. Please forgive me of my sins and thank you for my many blessings. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

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